They say I have to have this to live but at the same time it is killing me, Just at a slower pace you see, when I heard I had cancer I had no idea that I had it, no clue, until they removed the 10lb. mass that was hidden within the shadows of my giblets and the words cancer escaped passed their lips as if I was taking a breath of disbelief. Its been an adjustment for sure to have cancer, what the HELL does that even mean, I mean really, geesh really, its something that nobody should have but many do, it just apears like a killer in the night, so I guess its like a serial killer that nobody has a clue how to stop it but with something else that kills you…

Serial killer, strange way to think about something that is supposse to heal us and sure it does for some but for others it just puts it in remission and damn up it pops and round 2 here we go, serial killer is back with no punishment, no jail time, nothing just pumping in your body with inviting smiles and conversations among everyone around, while your wondering ” when will this serial killer do me in”.

Do I wait for it to kill me or do I fight but how do you fight a kiiller that is being pumped in my body, that’s the tough debait that I live with everyday, do I walk away or do I say “I WILL KILL YOU”, But I will say this it’s easier said then done, I mean how am I to fight the serial killer when everytime the Killer enters my body, he wears me down, makes me sore too move, makes me miss the old me to where I feel lost and disconneted to the present self, its humbling to face the truth

The truth, what is the truth, that I have cancer and that I invited the Serial Killer into my life sure I guess but I didn’t ask him, they told me I had to have him, I had no choice, I mean sure they did give me one, Killer or Death, really what a choice ummmmmm which one do I choose…..shit those choices suck I don’t really win a prize, everyone says, sure you do you get to live, but do I really, Killer is cruel, no prize he is not kind what so ever, even if I ask.

No remorse, no regret, thats how Killer is, I wish he was kinder more intune to people, wish that he took some mercy upon us, for what we go through when he invades us as he feeds upon us though our heart, running thoughout our body to take control of every cell through out, mass distruction is his plan without fail he will succeed.